You are reading this blog because you are looking for sexual entertainment. At least we hope you are, and that you are not some nasty, nose poking boss checking what your staff is reading during office hours. So assuming you are the former, or come to think of it, even if you are the latter, we’d like to tell you about the ideal accompaniment to your sex surfing session.

We call it the Autoblow Blast. It’s a fully automatic blowjob machine. It dispenses blowjobs in very much the same way that your photocopier dispenses photocopies, in as much as you press a button and it does the job automatically.

As far as printing is concerned, long gone are the days when you had to crank a handle to print copies. And as far as self pleasuring goes, long gone are the days when you have to crank your own handle.

With the Autoblow Blast you just lube up, slide into the soft, inviting silicone sleeve and flick the switch. That’s all there is to it. Within seconds you’ll be enjoying a perfect copy of an expertly given deep throat blowjob.

As a boss, you’ll appreciate the fact that with the Autoblow Blast you get to set the pace. Fast if you want to go fast, and slow if you want to go slow.

As an employee, you’ll love the fact that it doesn’t ask difficult questions. You want a blowjob and it just shuts up and gets on with it.

Memo to self: why not shoot off an email to head office and see if you can order a couple of dozen Autoblows to increase productivity and office harmony. Now that’s using your head and getting some head all at the same time. Do we have to give you all the ideas?

www.roboticblowjob.com

At $159 online, Dr Joel Kaplan’s top of the line Titanium Package Penis Pump Enlarger is for guys with big ambitions for a bigger penis.

Dr Joel received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology and human sexuality from the Saybrook Institute in San Francisco. He has been awarded Diplomat status with the American Board of Sexology in Washington DC and is a registered sex researcher and certified sex therapist.

In the early 1990’s, Dr Joel made an interesting discovery. As a therapist working with many patients who suffered from impotence, he discovered an unusual side effect: when patients used the vacuum pump for impotence, they reported a remarkable and significant increase in the size of their penis. Soon after repeated reports, Dr. Joel Kaplan developed a program that uses a penis pump enlarger to maximize erection rigidity and size.

Now, with his penis pump enlarger system fully adapted for use at home, Dr. Joel will send you not one but two medical-grade, industrial strength, crystal clear acrylic cylinders, one for your cock and one for your cock and scrotum. He’ll send you the heavy duty vacuum pump, an instructional video on how to use your penis pump enlarger, the good doctor’s own brand of penis enlargement pills, connector hose, lube, penis leather strap… and a free ruler – you’re going to need it because Dr Kaplan claims using his penis pump enlarger you will gain an extra 3” permanently.

Penis pump enlargers are probably the most purchased of all male sex toys. A penis pump enlarger is a cylinder that is fitted over the penis, with a manual or motorized pump to create suction. As the apparatus creates a vacuum around the penis, blood is drawn into the penis, helping it to become engorged. As vacuum increases, the difference between the inner blood-pressure and the pump pressure increases as well.

Anyone who has an email address will know that penis pump enlargers are also one of the most popular subjects for spamming. There are more spam emails for penis pump enlargers, pills, and penis enhancement treatments than there are sandflies in Western Australia. And they’re more invasive too.

But despite all the remedies on offer, the debate over penis size continues unabated. It’s a question that is unlikely to be answered satisfactorily. Every generation brings with it a new batch of boys unhappy with the size of tool God gave them. So just how big is big and how small is small? The results of several studies seem to suggest that the average erect penis length is between 5.1 inches and 5.9 inches in length. Anything longer than that can probably be considered big. Average mid-shaft circumference tends to be 4.49 inches and 4.97 inches when fully erect. But for some they haven’t got it, for others it just isn’t enough. Hence the opportunity to sell a penis pump enlarger in all its many forms.

The list of penis pump enlargers is considerably longer than any penis a pump could ever hope to enlarge. In our next article we will take a look at what’s out there.